Don't Leave Me
by shulesaddict77
Summary: SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON 4 FINALE! What if she would never be able to tell him how much he meant to her? What if she'd missed her last chance? What if she could never tell him how much she loved him?


**Okay, another one-shot. I just couldn't resist! This is mostly angst with only a sliver of romance. Just a warning!**

**SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE! **

**My 'wish' for the two scenes we've seen in the promos. Andy rushing to his side and the ambulance scene. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

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It felt as if everything happened in slow motion but she still couldn't prevent it from happening. She heard Sam's shout, saw Ford turning around and then he pulled the trigger and Sam flew back, a red stain forming on his shirt, his back hitting the floor hard.

She didn't even hesitate one second. She didn't care what happened to Ford. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see Nick tackling him down, wrenching the gun out of his hands but all she could think about was Sam. She sprinted over to him, holstering her weapon automatically, scrambling down beside him, her hands reaching for his as he instinctively pressed them against the wound.

"Sam?" She screamed his name at him, her voice sounding shrill, almost hysterically, and his eyes flickered to hers, his gaze already slightly unfocused, his blood soaking his gray shirt and the fear of losing him slammed hard into her chest, tears springing into her eyes as she looked down at him. "Oh my God! Sam? Don't leave me, okay? Stay with me! Do you hear me? Don't leave me!"

"Andy, I ..." His voice faded, his eyes tried to stay focused on her face but she saw him slipping away, his lips opening again, his next words barely audible. "Andy, I lo ..."

"Sam!" Her voice almost collapsed over his name as his eyes fell shut and his head tilted to the side. Pressing her hands harder against the wound, she shouted desperately his name over and over again as if she just needed to say it often enough and he would open his eyes again. "Sam!"

She didn't know how long she was sitting on the floor, her hands pressed against his stomach, her eyes never leaving his face. She didn't register anything else, didn't hear any sounds around her beside her blood rushing in her ears. If she would just keep looking at him he would be okay. If she just stayed with him he would be alright.

She felt a hand on her shoulder but shrugged it off. No one could make her leave his side but then a voice broke through the fog clouding her brain and she realized that the paramedics had arrived and she stumbled back, letting them do their work. She stared down at her hands, red with his blood and her vision swam for a second, black spots appearing at the corner of her eyes and she bit her lip, forcing herself to take in some deep breaths. She would not faint now. She would not leave his side.

She flinched surprised when she felt an arm coming around her shoulder and turning around she looked up in Nick's worried face. She knew she should talk to him, knew that she needed to say something, explain, but she couldn't. All she could think about right now was Sam. Nothing else mattered.

"I need to go with him, Nick. I can't ..." She broke off, her eyes going back to Sam who was now lifted up on the gurney, his face eerily pale and she gulped hard, her gaze still glued to Sam. "I have to go with him."

And without looking up at Nick again, she slipped out of under his arm and followed the paramedics, her hand gripping his as they wheeled him out. She would not leave him.

The gurney was lifted into the ambulance and she climbed in afterwards, trying to stay out of the way of the paramedics as they fastened the belts around his body, adjusting the oxygen tube under his nose, connecting the patches of the heart monitor to his chest and then they were on the road and Andy slumped down beside him, the shock slowly settling in.

Sam got shot! He had been shot! And there had been so much blood! How could there have been so much blood?

One of the paramedics pressed a wet handkerchief into her hands and she started to clean her hands like on autopilot, rubbing the fabric over her skin over and over again, her mind racing in hundred different directions, the what if's ricocheting around in her brain.

_It's too late! I'm sorry! I can't do that anymore!_

_Can we just start with a drink? Just a drink. Please! Andy, just give me a chance._

What if she would have given him the chance he'd been asking for? What if she had said no to Luke, to the undercover op, and had gone to the Penny? What if they had had that drink? Would they still be here right now? Driving in an ambulance to the hospital, Sam fighting for his life?

_It's good to see you!_

_Glad to have you back! _

What if she had told him right then and there that she had been wrong? That she wanted that second chance now? That she had missed him so much? Would she still be sitting here fearing for his life?

_You broke my heart!_

_Well, you got me back!_

Should she have said more? Should she have tried to explain to him how much his walking away from her without a fight had hurt? How he had betrayed her trust? Would they be sitting in her apartment, eating dinner and throwing jokes back and forth right now if she would have just stayed in the car and talked to him?

_Is that your talent, McNally? Pointing out the obvious?_

_No! I know when to quit. That's my talent. I know when the odds are against me and when to walk away._

Did she give up too soon? Should she have kept fighting? But he looked happy with Marlo. Settled. Satisfied. She didn't have the right to destroy his relationship with her. But what if she hadn't quit? What if she had told the odds to go to hell and kept trying to win him back? Would they have a Labradoodle called Boo Radley by now, waiting for them to come home?

_I really do wanna be your friend._

_I thought we already were friends._

Seeing him still struggling with Jerry's death had hurt. It had hurt more than she would have expected. It had brought back all the memories of these horrible days after Jerry's death. The heartbreak, the grief, their break-up. She knew why he had snapped at her. Of course she knew. Because he knew she could take it. That she was the only one who knew what he was going through. Like he said, he needed her to back him up. And she had. Would it have changed anything if they would have actually talked about it? If they would have finally talked about Jerry's death, about all the hurt they'd put each other through? Would they be looking for an apartment right now if she would have just kept pressing and made him talk?

_You know me._

_Sometimes yes. Sometimes no._

_If you don't know me. I don't know who does._

Should she have listened to her heart back then? Should she have listened to it screaming at her that she should just tell him that she indeed knew him. Inside out. Maybe she should have confronted him right there. Maybe she should have yelled at him to stop telling her such things while he was still together with Marlo. Maybe letting it all out and throwing it into his face would have brought them closer together instead of driving them further apart.

_You love weddings._

_Don't worry! I'll save a dance for you._

What if she had danced with him that night? Would it have brought back all those feelings she'd buried deep inside of her? Would have being in his arms again, feeling his body pressing against hers, made her decide against Nick? Would Sam and she be back together by now if she would have made good on her promise?

_Thank you for today! I mean it!_

_I didn't do it for you!_

It was a lie! She did it for him. But she was so mad at him for making her follow his rules again. And she had been tired. Tired of still having such deep feelings for him. Tired of not being able to stop having his back. Always having his back. No matter what. Without questions. Coloring over the lines. Shouldering the consequences with him.

But all these things didn't matter now. All her anger, all the pain was gone. The only thought that remained was how many chances they had let slip by. Chances to talk. Chances to start over. To give them another try.

She leaned forward, pressing her lips against his forehead, the tears threatening to choke her, her fingers brushing his hair away as she pulled back, her hand trembling and suddenly it hit her like a brick.

What if she would never be able to tell him how much he meant to her? What if she'd missed her last chance? What if she could never tell him how much she loved him?

"Sam, I ..." She balled her hands into fists and her voice quivered as she spoke hoarsely. "You can't leave me alone. You just can't. I need you. I … I love you. Oh my God, Sam! I love you. I don't care if you love me back. I don't care if we ever get back together. Just … just don't leave me." Her lips brushed over his forehead again and she whispered against his skin. "I love you. Please don't die. I need you to fight. This time you are gonna fight, okay? You owe me that. So, fight!" Wrapping her hand around his, she pressed her eyes shut, the tears quelling out under her eyelashes and she laid her head on their entwined hands, repeating the same words over and over again. "You can't die. You just can't."

It seemed like an eternity until they arrived at the hospital and then organized chaos broke loose and before she could take in a deep breath they wheeled Sam into the operating area, the glass doors closing behind the gurney, leaving her standing completely alone in the waiting area.

"Please?" She whispered, not sure to whom she was talking. God? The universe? She didn't know and she didn't care who was listening to her prayers as long as Sam would make it, a lonely tear trailing down her cheek as she breathed. "Don't take him away from me."

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**This is a one-shot. I'm not adding anything to this. It would be too similar to '**_Another Chance_**'. So if you want to see my 'dream' scenario for the aftermath of the shooting you might want to check that story out. **

**And I just don't want to get my hopes up too high. But a small part (actually a huge part) of me hopes Sam is gonna hear her love confession somehow. And yes, I'm 100% certain we will hear a love confession! **

**Thank you for reading!**


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